And I've Hurt Myself
by dreamer4174
Summary: A scene of reconcilation if Rachel really does sing this song. Through "A Very Glee Christmas." Rachel truly reflects on her recent actions. This scenario would just not leave my mind. And Lea Michele would ROCK this song!
1. Prologue

She took a deep breath before addressing the empty auditorium by opening her mouth to sing the beginning notes of her song.

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today_

I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you  
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss  
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself  
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that  
I've missed you since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself

By hurting you  


Yet, the auditorium wasn't entirely empty. A lone figure stood in the shadows, mesmerized by her voice, her sadness, _her_. And he couldn't make himself leave – as much as he desperately wanted.


	2. By Hurting You

A/N: So, this story would NOT leave my head! I even had to buy a legal pad to write it all down during my plane ride when I found I had not a thing to write on. I hope no one thought that the prologue was all there was! That would've been disappointing!

And thanks for your reviews for my other story – "Filming Fun with Finn." I honestly kind of lost the desire to continue with it – so it's on hiatus for now. And honestly, I'll probably just put up stories that won't leave me alone like this one.

AND….depending on the feedback, I may make this into more than a "prologue + one-shot." So it's up to you! I haven't gotten much feedback in the past, so this is my chance to see if I really can make it in the Finchel fanfiction world. Regardless, I do believe this story can stand on its own. So without further ado, here it is!

DISCLAIMER: Totally forgot this for the last chapter! I don't anything FOX or Christina Aguilera related.

-glee-

Rachel knew he was there. She always kind of knew when he was there. She didn't know why. Maybe it was part of her pseudo-psychic talent or the fact that they shared – _used to share_ - such a deep connection. Whatever the case – she knew. But she was too into the emotions of the song – her outlet, her therapy, her _vice_ – to even care.

She was completely vulnerable, pouring her regret and guilt and _pain_ into her performance. She had never bared her soul this much, and she felt naked. It was exhilarating – in a completely unnerving, _heart-breaking_ kind of way. To dig up all her faults, all her mistakes, all her memories, all her love, all her grief, all her _soul_ – and to chanel them into this painstakingly beautiful song gave her a new kind of freedom that _terrified_ her.

But she embraced it. Embraced the pain. Embraced the _hurt_. And it literally became too much for her to physically handle. She found herself unable to sing the last notes – say the last _words _– and instead, proceeded to collapse in gut-wrenching sobs.

She would've hit the floor – had it not been his sure, steady grip of her, refusing to let her fall. She didn't have to look to know it was him. Because she already knew he was there. What she didn't know – what her sort-of-psychic mind couldn't predict was that she would get to know what it felt like to be in his arms once more. And if felt good. It felt so _damn_ good. She clung to the arms that encircled her waist, afraid that if she let go, he would do the same. And that _fear_ made her cry harder.

He held her shaking body and kneeled down, gently easing her to the floor. She could feel him rub her back slowly, trying desperately to soothe her. Somehow, he had enveloped her entire body into his embrace – guarding her, protecting her, _covering _her – of only for just a moment.

She tried to gain enough control to speak. "I-I…" Her voice wavered, but she continued. "I'm so, _so _sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…" And she kept whimpering her apology over and over again, yearning for him to know that she finally, _finally_ got it. She finally realized the full extent of what she had done. And the _pain_ that he had to be going through.

She couldn't imagine his pain being worse than hers. And before, she would deny even the thought of his pain daring to _match _hers. This drama queen was certain that absolutely no other soul could be experiencing such an emotional _hell_ as she was.

But then she saw faint, small wet spots on her shoulder. And at that moment, she just knew – just like she knew he was there before he revealed himself, just like she knew it was him who was currently comforting her – she _knew_ her pain, as heart-breaking and gut-wrenching and _soul-crushing_ as it was – paled into comparison to his. And she despised – no, she _hated_ – herself for doing this to him.

But all she could murmur through her tears, over and over again, was, "I'm sorry. Finn. I'm so sorry."

And Rachel was certain she was hallucinating when she suddenly felt whisper kisses on the top of her head, her temple, her cheek – right before a soothing, husky voice said softly in her ear, "Shh…Breathe, Rach. I know. I know. I _know_. It's okay. It's _okay_."

And in that moment, she _knew _things would eventually be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not for a while. But it was always going to be Finn and Rachel. And she swore to herself, as this selfless man held her, that she would never, _never_ hurt him again. And through her tears, she smiled.

-glee-

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing. I just really want Rachel to come to terms with what she truly had done. I haven't seen true remorse yet from Rachel – and I think that's due to Lea Michele's phenomenal acting skills. I just don't think Rachel gets it yet. So this story was a way for me to _make _Rachel get.

The song was (of course) "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera. SPOILER ALERT: There's speculation about Rachel doing this song. I would like nothing more! It's perfect. And once again, Lea Michele would do wonders with it.

Remember – reviews are beautiful!


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